An Open Letter to Tony Harris : Don’t be Jealous of their Boogie
Hello, the internet. I’ve been a little too busy lately to comment on breaking news, and I also need to finish playing Dishonored so I can write a 10 part exhaustive review about how it is the best videogame ever because you get to violently disfigure the pope. A lot of really excellent videogames have come out recently. I’ve been loving X-Com: Enemy Unknown, I really want to play Assassin’s Creed 3, and for some godawful reason I’ve been forcing myself to suffer through Silent Hill: Downpour.
Next week I pick my preorder of the Adventure Time game. Special edition. I need that Enchiridion tin for my hair-dids. Did you know enchiridion is an awesome 15th century greek word that simply means ‘manual’ and that Saint Augustine wrote an enchiridion? You did? Good for you! I wouldn’t know, because apparently, I’m just an attention whore!
Part of the reason I’ve been neglecting my blogging is that I’ve been preparing for this:
See, I’m an attention whore, not an attention slut, because I get paid for it. You mad? Apparently, the internet is. There was a bit of a kerfuffle on a stranger’s facebook when they posted this image:
Hey guys, look at me! I’m a whore who found glasses too!
Ha ha, see, it’s funny because you can tell I’M a real nerd, right? Right? I mean, you noticed right away that my iPhone case features Christopher Lee as Dracula from the 1958 masterpiece “The Horror of Dracula”, right? A film that is old enough to be my daddy! That makes me legit. Or wait, maybe up in the corner there, that picture of Judge Death by Frazer Irving that I’ve elected to decorate my bathroom wall with. Maybe THAT’s what proves that I have the necessary nerd pedigree to post a picture of myself with the caption nerd lol.
Or maybe ‘geek girls’ aren’t purebred dogs and you shouldn’t demand they show you their geek birth certificates and their geek curriculum vitaes unless you are hiring them to do a job where being a geek is the number one qualification.
You know, like managing a Spencer’s Goods or something.
If I sound bitter, it’s not because of some random twonk on the internet, it’s because of someone I would have really expected better from. Tony Harris, a talented artist who currently works for DC comics. I’ve always respected his endorsement of using good photo reference appropriately, and had no reason to think ill of the man until he went off onto a bit of a rant on his facebook.
I have a really hard time believing the basic premise of this as well. Now, this may surprise you to find out, but I am officially an attractive woman, as decided by the internet when I was 22 years old from a shitty pictures where I had a terrible haircut, no makeup, and looked quite puffy. That was also the day that I found out that Fallout fans who bitch constantly about redesigning a Mr. Handy CANNOT RECOGNIZE A BROM OR A GIGER, which pretty much blew my mind. Anyway, I found the whole thing rather disturbing. Then I drank another 10 cups of coffee and went back to sculpting mutilated corpses and dreaming about some kind of mythical future where I’d get to have ‘a vacation’.
I’m 28 now, which is about a million years old in geek girl terms but I actually got better looking as I aged. If I want excessive attention from men, all I have to do is slap on a little bit of makeup, put on my regular clothing, and go out to a crowded bar alone. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but that sounds a lot more efficient than learning to sew, making a costume, transporting yourself to a convention, getting a hotel room, buying a wig, styling the wig, gluing fake eyelashes on, and BUYING TICKETS TO THE CONVENTION which is something that Mr Harris has rather completely glossed over.
And what’s his main issue with them, as he states it? That they’re somehow the ‘predators’ abusing the poor innocent nerd boys. I can tell you, Mr Harris, that those poor innocent nerd boys are usually not very nice under their self effacing layers of nerdy ‘Just a Nice Guy’ bullshit. I’ve dealt with nightmarish nerds and I’ve dealt with nightmarish jocks. At least the nightmarish jocks will offer to buy you a drink after you smack the hand off of your ass. The nightmarish nerds can ruin a perfectly lovely game of Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 by delving into great detail about what a whore you are and how much they’d like to do illegal things to your body. And that’s before they find out whether or not you’re a girl.
The reason those ‘fake pretty’ girls who look a little drab outside of all the makeup and dresses torment those poor nerd boys so is because they remind those nerd boys of what is probably actually attainable for them in their lives to achieve as a sexual partner. Would that really be so bad? A girl who isn’t all that pretty the day after, but looks just like Starfire in a pushup bra and contacts and a bucket of body paint?
What’s so terrible about a girl who isn’t a perfect 10 doing something that makes her feel pretty? She bought a ticket just like everyone else. Part of that money went to pay for you to be there, Mr. Harris.
Now me personally, I don’t actually really like conventions. They’re vectors of disease, they’re crowded, they’re noisy, they’re expensive, and they smell funny. I don’t even like to think of myself as a geek or a nerd. I’m an artist.
But I enjoy dressing up, yes. Here’s a picture of me my husband took when we were drinking after goth clubbing. I was sad that my makeup was too pale to read inside the club.
Once again you can tell from this picture that I am a ‘legit’ geek, right? Those are the FIRST RUN of those zombie stompers and I had to import them from England. I deeply regret not holding out for the ones that glow-in-the-dark. OH THE HUMANITY!
But, surely my readers have noticed that that is the Japanese Army of Darkness poster, right? And that’s the Polish Terminator poster, and a rare Devil Rides Out poster where the name is The Devil’s Bride.
And that that is an original Nintendo light gun, which I have heartlessly gutted and painted silver and faux antiqued as a useful prop?
Wait a minute, WHO THE FUCK CARES?
Female competition is stupid. Ranking ‘geek girls’ based on their hotness and legitimacy is just a navel gazing way to dance around the fact that some assholes still think that it’s unfair for women to show off their bodies unless they are selling unlimited access to it. Some men are so used to it that they can’t for one second put themselves in the 6-inch heels of the opposite sex and think about how nauseating it is for women that no one ever stops judging them based on their beauty.
I’d think a man who is used to taking photos of his friends and family and extrapolating them into comic book heroes and heroines on a regular basis would have a little more sympathy. I hope Tony Harris reconsiders his stance and is a big enough man to make an apology.
And for the record, I personally find doing my own makeup and sewing to be way more challenging than making art for either videogames or comic books or even oil painting.
There’s no undo button and faces are a little bit squishy. Plus paintings don’t sweat. Usually.
PS: Ladies? Don’t stop.