A brand new Spiderqueen??? Aw guys you shouldn’t have <3

Are you dying to know what I think about League of Legend’s new arachnophobe teasing temptress?

Elise the Spider Queen from League of Legends

Elise, Bloodrayne is on line 2? She says you just mopped her look.

Bloodrayne? Durham Red is on line 3. She says you mopped HER look.

Only British people and ubernerds will get this reference

All jokes aside, Red and black is generally a good pallete. But after Zyra and Syndra… isn’t this all getting a little samey? I actually sort of love Elise’s shoes, but how many cut-outs does an outfit really need? Elise has a cute face, and I like her makeup design, but it’s still the default pale ambiguous features popularized in ye olden days of Squaresoft where someone decided that every man should look like Gackt and every woman should look like Gackt in drag.

It’s certainly more conventionally stylish than most of the fetish-wear in League of Legends. The pants are fierce. I find the top distracting, because her cleavage has more dodging and burning than a Vogue editorial. The neck-piece is cool. I think it would be better without the happy-trail tattoo, and if both the cleavage window and the abdominal region were covered up. I do like the gloves.

Elise’s backstory suggests that she’s some kind of two-faced cultist priestess, which is kind of a cool concept. I feel like her clothes don’t jive much with that. The clothes say ‘expensive dominatrix/performance artist’. Which, contrary to what people who learned about Catholicism through pornography may assume, is not what nuns actually do.

Okay, sometimes that is what nuns do, but mostly in fiction.

But I can hear the muttering starting already from the peanut gallery. What’s wrong with women in League of Legends being sexy? I’d answer that question with my own question:

What exactly is the target audience of this game? Is it sexually mature adults? Does the game actually have sexual themes besides hollow innuendo and cartoonishly inflated breasts? And how much clothing can we strip off of Harley Quinn before we admit that we took a design intended for a children’s cartoon and loaded it down with our own emotional baggage until it looked like a parody?

It is disingenuous to pretend this stuff is not soft-core pornography at this point. It’s as if adding Varus to the game triggered some sort of wave of gay panic among the designers who proceeded to outdo each other in order to reassert their heterosexuality and/or ability to render the shiniest boobs.

I’m just saying, can we just stop pretending these designs aren’t Freudian clusterfucks?

So, in conclusion, Elise is much more to my personal taste but she seems skirting the edge of appropriateness for a game that claims to have ‘midly suggestive themes’. That outfit is ‘mildly suggestive’ in the way that an ashtray as big as a really fucking big brick to the head is ‘mildly painful.’

Some people treat the videogame fanbase as a horde of out of control lemmings. They just throw up their hands and say “Oh well, you can’t control them! Boys will be boys!” I think you’d be hard pressed to make that argument that when you pack your game with context-deprived fetish cliches you’re inviting a certain type of fan, and it’s not the type of fan that thinks women should be welcome in the industry as anything other than cosplay models and guilty masturbatory fantasies.

If your game doesn’t actually explore mature sexual themes but you still want to include sex appeal, maybe your character designers should try to be capable of a little more… restraint?

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~ by obligatoryspiderqueen on October 22, 2012.

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